Jumpstart.

First off, last night's Rockstar show went really well. Great holiday stories from everyone indicative of their style: Phillip Low did a re-interpretation from a "lost part of the Bible" about how Jesus can really mess you up and don't you forget it. Michael Schaeffer made a guest appearance and debuted a new slam poem inspired by Led Zeppelin! And Joseph Scrimshaw compared each storyteller to a gift from his Christmas past: I was a pair of Superman underwear! My interpretation of that comparison is because when I take off my clothes I become invincible and omnipotent and benevolent. Finally, someone understands me.

I just got off the phone with one of my very favorite people, Deborah Lohse. Deborah and I have known each other since college, moved out to New York within weeks of each other, and were each others' first official roommate in upstate Manhattan (Inwood). Deborah, like the rest of us artists, doesn't ever feel like she's doing enough towards her work. She's an amazing dancer and choreographer and believe you me, she's doing more than enough. For about 3 or 4 years, we would get together in the beginning of each year and talk and write out our goals for the upcoming 365 days. I reminded her of something she had as a goal a few years ago: Action, Not Perfection. She had forgotten she said this. It was my pleasure to pass that wisdom back to her. So, with that, a first draft of my resolutions for the New Year. (And a little caveat: I'm done with being cynical about resolutions. I've been setting yearly goals for many years and the cynicism people develop from resolutions is born from them not achieving their goals and then not forgiving themselves for their "failure." It's time to start forgiving yourself people. We're here to just have fun, right?)

- HAVE FUN
This year, I resolve to relinquish control where I can and take things seriously with this knowledge that it's not all in my hands.
And for the most part, that just means living each moment and being present and remembering that nothing is permanent, so I may as well enjoy it all.

- PERFORM. WRITE. BECAUSE I CAN.
I neglected to blog about this, but in July I went and visited a new optometrist to get my contact prescription. I ended up sitting and talking with this diminutive Vietnamese doctor of the eyes who was dressed like a 60's mod for almost two hours about art and artists while she patiently let me hem and haw about what lenses made me see the eye chart better. We talked about women in the middle east that attempt to do their art and getting physically assaulted and injured or, I'm sure in the worst circumstances, murdered. And it made me realize that I really have no right to be shy about what I do. Even if I suck and if no one takes me seriously as an artist (who cares because, well, see #1), I can get on stage and say stuff that other women in the world can't. I get down on myself for being a bad feminist sometimes and that conversation was a reminder that just following what I'm passionate about is a right that not every woman in this world has. And it is my responsibility to do what I can for those sisters.

- TAKE CARE OF MYSELF.
It's a lot easier to unwind in Minneapolis than in New York. There's a lot of guilt that you're not doing enough or achieving what you should by your age or whatever in the NYC. There's theories abound on this phenomenon. And now that I can genuinely proclaim that I truly love living here, my ability to chill out has increased exponentially. It might also be an age thing. But this also means living my little signs posted in my house - "Treating myself like a precious object will make me stronger." As in, remembering to eat well, make positive choices about my spending and saving, and taking time to breathe, meditate, stretch, and sit up straight. And remembering that I am an amazing force (just like you!) and am worthy of the best that love can offer.

- FORGIVE MYSELF. DO MY BEST. FORGIVE OTHERS.
I make quips at people and usually own up to them if I feel they've been offended. But the guilt will continue to eat me up. I will plan an evening to write or play banjo or make art, etc, and instead, I'll end up watching 3 hours of "30 Rock." I'll indulge in something that doesn't make me feel like the superstar I am. And I will forgive myself, move on, and do my best always. And since I can forgive myself and lower my expectations for myself (in a good way!), I can do the same for others who are on their own paths.

That's what I got now. Hey, I got 4 more days till the end of the year, so I would say I'm ahead of schedule.

Here's to an amazing 2009, eh?